More Letters of Note Read online

  Dear Reader,

  The book you are holding came about in a rather different way to most others. It was funded directly by readers through a new website: Unbound.

  Unbound is the creation of three writers. We started the company because we believed there had to be a better deal for both writers and readers. On the Unbound website, authors share the ideas for the books they want to write directly with readers. If enough of you support the book by pledging for it in advance, we produce a beautifully bound special subscribers’ edition and distribute a regular edition and e-book wherever books are sold, in shops and online.

  This new way of publishing is actually a very old idea (Samuel Johnson funded his dictionary this way). We’re just using the internet to build each writer a network of patrons. Here, at the back of this book, you’ll find the names of all the people who made it happen.

  Publishing in this way means readers are no longer just passive consumers of the books they buy, and authors are free to write the books they really want. They get a much fairer return too – half the profits their books generate, rather than a tiny percentage of the cover price.

  If you’re not yet a subscriber, we hope that you’ll want to join our publishing revolution and have your name listed in one of our books in the future. To get you started, here is a £5 discount on your first pledge. Just visit unbound.com, make your pledge and type LETTERS2 in the promo code box when you check out.

  Thank you for your support,

  Dan, Justin and John

  Founders, Unbound

  For Karina

  Contents

  Introduction

  001 – TORTURING THE SAXOPHONE

  ROBERT CRUMB TO MATS GUSTAFSSON

  002 – FOR LOVE AND HONOR

  HOLLIS FRAMPTON TO MOMA

  003 – DEAR ONE

  RACHEL CARSON TO DOROTHY FREEMAN

  004 – I’LL RAP YOUR HEAD WITH A RATCHET

  STEVE ALBINI TO NIRVANA

  005 – SORROW COMES TO ALL

  ABRAHAM LINCOLN TO FANNY MCCULLOUGH

  006 – I SEE NO BEAUTY IN LOPSIDED TRUE LOVE

  ELIZABETH SMART TO GEORGE BARKER

  007 – MY EARTHLY MISSION IS ALREADY FULFILLED

  VIVIAN ROSEWARNE TO HIS MOTHER

  008 – KING SEQUOIA

  JOHN MUIR TO JEANNE CARR

  009 – HUSBAND UNTIL DEATH

  ABREAM SCRIVEN TO HIS WIFE

  010 – BREAK BREAK BREAK

  SYLVIA PLATH TO HER FAMILY

  011 – 1984 VS. A BRAVE NEW WORLD

  ALDOUS HUXLEY TO GEORGE ORWELL

  012 – MY HEART ALMOST STOOD STILL

  HELEN KELLER TO THE NEW YORK SYMPHONY ORCHESTRA

  013 – GO TO HELL WITH YOUR MONEY BASTARD

  ASGER JORN TO THE GUGGENHEIM

  014 – THE PARAKEET HAS A GOITER

  BRIAN DOYLE TO VARIOUS

  015 – ALONG WITH THIS LETTER COMES A PLAY

  SHELAGH DELANEY TO JOAN LITTLEWOOD

  016 – EVERYONE IS EXPECTING ME TO DO BIG THINGS

  JACK TRICE TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN

  017 – WITH GREAT RESPECT, MARGE SIMPSON

  MARGE SIMPSON TO BARBARA BUSH

  018 – SLOWLY, QUIETLY, NEVER GIVING UP

  CARL SANDBURG TO MARGARET SANDBURG

  019 – SHE WAS THE MUSIC HEARD FAINTLY AT THE EDGE OF SOUND

  RAYMOND CHANDLER TO LEONARD RUSSELL

  020 – I EMBRACE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART

  ALBERT CAMUS TO LOUIS GERMAIN

  021 – I HAVE RESOLVED TO ESCAPE

  WINSTON CHURCHILL TO LOUIS DE SOUZA

  022 – WITH MANY GOOD WISHES FOR OUR HOUSE

  LION FEUCHTWANGER TO THE OCCUPANT OF HIS HOUSE

  023 – LETTER TO THE DEAD

  SHEPSI TO INKHENMET

  024 – YOU’RE OFF, BY GOD!

  RICHARD BURTON TO ELIZABETH TAYLOR

  025 – THE TALE OF PETER RABBIT

  BEATRIX POTTER TO NOEL MOORE

  026 – YOUR EAGER MOTHER

  JESSIE BERNARD TO HER UNBORN CHILD

  027 – THE MATCHBOX

  SYLVIA TOWNSEND WARNER TO ALYSE GREGORY

  028 – ALL THIS I DID WITHOUT YOU

  GERALD DURRELL TO LEE MCGEORGE

  029 – NOTHING TO EAT BUT THE DEAD

  VIRGINIA REED TO MARY KEYES

  030 – TIGER OIL MEMOS

  EDWARD “TIGER MIKE” DAVIS TO HIS STAFF

  031 – I LONG FOR FREEDOM

  HANNAH GROVER TO CATO

  032 – JANIS JOPLIN LIVES!

  JANIS JOPLIN TO HER PARENTS

  033 – BECOMING TOM CLANCY

  TOM CLANCY TO HIS FRIENDS

  034 – THE JL123 ISHO

  FLIGHT 123 PASSENGERS TO VARIOUS

  035 – DARE TO STAND ALONE

  BUD WILKINSON TO JAY WILKINSON

  036 – ARKELL V. PRESSDRAM

  PRIVATE EYE TO GOODMAN DERRICK & CO.

  037 – THE OUTSIDERS

  JO ELLEN MISAKIAN TO FRANCIS FORD COPPOLA

  038 – I CAN’T LOOK YOU IN THE VOICE

  DOROTHY PARKER TO PASCAL COVICI

  039 – DO NOT BE SO BLOODY VULNERABLE

  NOËL COWARD TO MARLENE DIETRICH

  040 – FROM HEAVEN

  PAUL REVERE OSLER TO GRACE OSLER

  041 – CAT FANCY

  AYN RAND TO CAT FANCY MAGAZINE

  042 – NEW FANGLED WRITING MACHINE

  SAMUEL CLEMENS TO ORION CLEMENS

  043 – AMERICA’S YOUNGEST AMBASSADOR

  SAMANTHA SMITH TO YURI ANDROPOV

  044 – SLEEP WELL MY LOVE

  BRIAN KEITH TO DAVE

  045 – THIS IS MY LAST VISIT

  WILLIAM BURROUGHS TO TRUMAN CAPOTE

  046 – BROWN IS AS PRETTY AS WHITE

  W. E. B. DU BOIS TO YOLANDE DU BOIS

  047 – EVERY OUNCE OF MY ENERGY

  BERTRAND RUSSELL TO SIR OSWALD MOSLEY

  048 – THIS WRETCHED COMEDY AS A MAN!

  LILI ELVENES TO “CHRISTIAN”

  049 – THERE ARE TWO WAYS IN WHICH THIS CAN BE DONE

  BERTHA BREWSTER TO DAILY TELEGRAPH

  050 – YOURS SINCERELY, ALBUS DUMBLEDORE

  J. K. ROWLING TO STEVEN ARMES

  051 – I’VE GOT A HUNCH

  THOMAS WOLFE TO MAXWELL PERKINS

  052 – WE ARE UNINTELLIGIBLE

  JACK LONDON TO ANNA STRUNSKY

  053 – GENTLEMEN, I JUST DON’T BELONG HERE

  URSULA LE GUIN TO JOHN RADZIEWICZ

  054 – I MISS LORINA BULWER

  LORINA BULWER

  055 – MY REAL NAME IS DAVID JONES

  DAVID BOWIE TO SANDRA DODD

  056 – A NEW PAGE IN MOTION PICTURE HISTORY

  SAMUEL GOLDWYN TO WALT DISNEY

  057 – I LOVED THE BOY

  WILLIAM WORDSWORTH TO ROBERT SOUTHEY

  058 – A PILE OF 5000 CATS AND KITTENS

  FREDERICK LAW OLMSTED to HIS SON

  059 – IT MUST BE NICE TO BE A BABY

  DAISY WHITE TO JOEL WHITE

  060 – I HAVE LOST A TREASURE

  CASSANDRA AUSTEN TO FANNY KNIGHT

  061 – A RIPPLE OF FLAME

  EDITH WHARTON TO W. M. FULLERTON

  062 – FINAL, COMPLETE AND IRREMEDIABLE DEFEAT

  HUGH DOWDING TO WINSTON CHURCHILL

  063 – A FORCE FOR EVIL

  RICHARD HELMS TO DENNIS HELMS

  064 – YOU ARE A BEAST

  MICHELANGELO DI LODOVICO BUONARROTI SIMONI TO GIOVAN SIMONE BUONARROTI SIMONI

  065 – IT’S BURNING HELL WITHOUT YOU

  DYLAN THOMAS TO CAITLIN THOMAS

  066 – I DRANK TOO MUCH WINE LAST NIGHT

  JANE AUSTEN TO CASSANDRA AUSTENr />
  067 – LET US BLAZE NEW TRAILS

  BILL BERNBACH TO HIS COLLEAGUES

  068 – YOUR TYPE IS A DIME A DOZEN

  HUNTER S. THOMPSON TO ANTHONY BURGESS

  069 – WE CAN CHANGE THE WORLD

  JOHN LENNON TO ERIC CLAPTON

  070 – YOU ARE A TRUE MAN

  BRAM STOKER TO WALT WHITMAN

  071 – WHAT DO YOU TAKE ME FOR?

  NANNI TO EA-NASIR

  072 – REMEMBER?

  BREECE D’J PANCAKE TO JOHN CASEY

  073 – I HOPE YOU DON’T FEEL TOO DISAPPOINTED

  ERIC IDLE TO JOHN MAJOR

  074 – AN INSTRUMENT OF JOY

  MARGARET MEAD TO ELIZABETH MEAD

  075 – WE PRESS YOU CLOSE AND KISS YOU WITH ALL OUR STRENGTH

  ETHEL AND JULIUS ROSENBERG TO THEIR SONS

  076 – HOW DID YOU GET INVENTED?

  ARCHBISHOP OF CANTERBURY TO LULU

  077 – WHY I AM AN ATHEIST

  MINNIE PARRISH TO BLUE-GRASS BLADE

  078 – YOURS IN DISTRESS

  ALAN TURING TO NORMAN ROUTLEDGE

  079 – OH MY ASS BURNS LIKE FIRE!

  MOZART TO MARIANNE

  080 – TERRY TOMA

  DAWN POWELL TO MABEL POWELL POCOCK AND PHYLLIS POWELL COOK

  081 – DO NOT REMAIN NAMELESS TO YOURSELF

  RICHARD FEYNMAN TO KOICHI MANO

  082 – I SEE HIM IN THE STAR

  EMILY DICKINSON TO SUSAN DICKINSON

  083 – I AM DESPERATE TO HAVE SOME REAL FUN

  PETER SELLERS TO SPIKE MILLIGAN

  084 – THE WHITE HOUSE

  ABIGAIL ADAMS TO HER DAUGHTER

  085 – YOUR ORGANIZATION HAS FAILED

  ELEANOR ROOSEVELT TO DAR

  086 – ON BUREAUCRATESE AND GOBBLEDYGOOK

  ALFRED KAHN TO HIS COLLEAGUES

  087 – I THINK I NO HOW TO MAKE PEOPLE OR ANIMALS ALIVE

  ANTHONY HOLLANDER TO BLUE PETER

  088 – YOU RANG MY MOTHER

  MICHAEL J. MOLLOY TO JEFFREY BERNARD

  089 – PEOPLE SIMPLY EMPTY OUT

  CHARLES BUKOWSKI TO JOHN MARTIN

  090 – A STRING OF VERITABLE PSYCHOLOGICAL PEACHES

  CARL JUNG TO JAMES JOYCE

  091 – THE APPALLING HORROR

  FLORENCE NIGHTINGALE TO WILLIAM BOWMAN

  092 – YOU ARE A HOMOSEXUAL AND MAY NEVER CHANGE

  FELICIA BERNSTEIN TO LEONARD BERNSTEIN

  093 – I NEVER STUDIED GRACE

  CHARLES LAMB TO JACOB VALE ASBURY

  094 – I DO NOT LIKE SCOLDING PEOPLE

  KATHERINE MANSFIELD TO ELIZABETH BIBESCO

  095 – MAKE YOUR SOUL GROW

  KURT VONNEGUT TO XAVIER HIGH SCHOOL

  096 – THERE ARE NO REAL REWARDS FOR TIME PASSING

  MARTHA GELLHORN TO ERNEST HEMINGWAY

  097 – I AM THE DEAD ONE

  SPIKE MILLIGAN TO GEORGE HARRISON

  098 – LIKE A TREE IN FULL BEARING

  CHARLOTTE BRONTË TO W. S. WILLIAMS

  099 – YOU GAVE ME A VALUABLE GIFT: YOU TOOK ME SERIOUSLY

  HOWARD CRUSE TO DR. SEUSS (AND VICE VERSA)

  100 – THE MISERABLE’S NAME IS MAN

  VICTOR HUGO to M. DAELLI

  101 – WE WERE NOT FOUND WANTING

  CHARLES JACK PRICE TO HIS STAFF

  102 – SHEER ENCHANTMENT

  SOPHIE SCHOLL TO LISA REMPPIS

  103 – I HAVE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE IT

  BARNUM BROWN TO PROFESSOR OSBORN

  104 – ENERGY EQUALS MASS TIMES THE SPEED OF LIGHT SQUARED STOP

  BUCKMINSTER FULLER TO ISAMU NOGUCHI

  105 – I THINK YOU’RE A DAMN FOOL

  NORMAN MAILER TO HIS FATHER

  106 – THE GREATEST MUSICAL PLEASURE I HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED

  CHARLES BAUDELAIRE TO RICHARD WAGNER

  107 – I KNOW WHAT TASTE IS AND WHAT VULGARITY IS

  TENNESSEE WILLIAMS TO JOSEPH BREEN

  108 – I WOULD LIKE TO GIVE YOU YOUR OWN HISTORY

  JUAN GELMAN TO HIS GRANDCHILD

  109 – THIS IS QUITE TRUE

  EVELYN WAUGH TO LAURA WAUGH

  110 – I SHALL EXPECT YOU, SISTER

  CLAUDIA SEVERA TO SULPICIA LEPIDINA

  111 – LET ME ALONE

  KATHERINE ANNE PORTER TO HART CRANE

  112 – F**K THA POLICE

  THE FBI TO PRIORITY RECORDS

  113 – I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN TALKED ABOUT

  ANSEL ADAMS TO NANCY NEWHALL

  114 – GROW UP AS GOOD REVOLUTIONARIES

  CHE GUEVARA TO HIS CHILDREN

  115 – WE HOPE YOU SHALL TRY…

  JESSICA MITFORD TO HERSELF

  116 – I DON’T ENJOY THIS WAR ONE BIT

  DAVID FOSTER WALLACE TO DON DELILLO

  117 – I SHALL ALWAYS BE WITH YOU

  MILADA HORÁKOVÁ to HER DAUGHTER

  118 – P.S. THIS IS MY FAVORITE MEMO EVER

  MATT STONE TO THE MPAA

  119 – DEAR FRIENDS ALL

  HENRY JAMES to 270 FRIENDS

  120 – MY MOTHER DECLARED MY BEDROOM A DISASTER AREA

  ANDY SMITH TO RONALD REAGAN

  121 – THANKS, MR. EDISON

  W. C. LATHROP TO THOMAS EDISON

  122 – THE MOST EXTRAORDINARY SCENE

  CAPTAIN REGINALD JOHN ARMES TO HIS WIFE

  Acknowledgements

  Subscribers

  Permission credits

  Friday

  Dear Reader,

  It’s two years since my last letter to you, two long years since I was introducing the first volume of Letters of Note to the world, unbearably excited and overwhelmingly proud to finally be waving off the physical incarnation of a mammoth four year project that began as a website. More than anything, though, I was nervous, for here was I, in the fast-moving digital age of ebook readers and emails, trying to captivate the plugged-in population with a hardcover book on the subject of old-fashioned correspondence. Letters of Note already had a dedicated following from its early days online, but what of the wider public—surely that was a reach too far? As delighted as I was to be holding such a beautiful book, I feared I was about to swim against a pixelated tide.

  Thankfully, I could not have been more wrong, and to say the past two years have been a whirlwind would be a huge understatement. Indeed it is a testament to the enduring, universal appeal of letters and the stories they tell that the first book is now being enjoyed in all corners of the world, in many different languages, by people of all ages and backgrounds and persuasions, and thinking about the power of letters, to see such a positive reaction has been indescribably gratifying, and to imagine that even a small fraction of you may have been inspired to write your own letters makes every single second of those years of research worthwhile. And this is all without mentioning Letters Live, a series of events inspired by the book in which a diverse cast of talented performers read these letters of note on stage and breathe life into them in a way I had barely even considered.

  Thanks to its many moving parts, producing a book like this is a logistical nightmare that nearly breaks me and my editor into tiny pieces, but one of the most enjoyable tasks is deciding on the letters to be featured. I’m clearly biased, but I can safely say that the second volume of letters, telegrams, and memos is every bit as impressive as the first, if not more so. We have an enthusiastic letter written by a young David Bowie in response to his first piece of fan mail; J.K. Rowling’s reply, in character as Albus Dumbledore, to a Professor of Colloid and Polymer Science who applied to become Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor at Hogwarts; from 1930, a missive from Lili Elvenes in which she describes her relief at finally being able to undergo surgery in what was one of the first cases of gender reassignment; a long letter sent by Tom Clancy to his friends just as fame approached, in which he speaks of his rapidly changing life; an embroidered letter of such incredible dimensions that it spans several fold-out pages; the charming illustrated letter that intr
oduced Peter Rabbit to the world, written by Beatrix Potter to a five-year-old boy; a letter from legendary “dinosaur hunter” Barnum Brown, in which he describes having just discovered the Tyrannosaurus rex; Florence Nightingale’s harrowing account of the “appalling horror” of the Crimean War, written in 1854, and many, many more. As with the first book, you are soon to embark upon a rollercoaster ride that soars as high as it does low, travelling back in time as far as 2000 BC to read an ancient Egyptian letter to the dead and coming as close as 2014 to enjoy a wonderfully entertaining letter by Robert Crumb.

  There really is no correct way to consume this book. Read it from front to back, from back to front, or simply pick letters at random; whichever one you land on will offer you a snapshot of history in a format that we cannot affort to let die. When you’re finished, pass the book on, pick up a pen, and write some letters of your own.

  Yours in letters,

  Shaun Usher

  Letters of Note

  Letter No. 001

  TORTURING THE SAXOPHONE

  ROBERT CRUMB TO MATS GUSTAFSSON

  2014

  In 2014, celebrated Swedish free jazz saxophonist Mats Gustafsson sent a copy of his forthcoming album to one of his idols, the legendary comic book artist, record collector and musician Robert Crumb. Gustafsson’s upcoming record was a compilation of his experimental interpretations of some jazz classics by people such as Duke Ellington, Lars Gullin, and the Ayler brothers, and he sought Crumb’s opinion. Crumb, baffled, pulled no punches and responded with this brutally honest letter. In honour of the critique, Gustafsson named his next album Torturing the Saxophone, and proudly reprinted the letter amongst the liner notes.

  Cartoonist Robert Crumb, 1985

  Gustafsson:

  I finally gave a listen to those LPs and the CD you sent me, of your own saxophone playing and some Swedish modern jazz. I gotta tell you, on the cover of the CD of your sax playing, which is black and has no text on it, I wrote in large block letters, in silver ink, “Torturing the Saxophone—Mats Gustafsson.” I just totally fail to find anything enjoyable about this, or to see what this has to do with music as I understand it, or what in God’s name is going on in your head that you want to make such noises on a musical instrument. Quite frankly, I was kind of shocked at what a negative, unpleasant experience it was, listening to it. I had to take it off long before it reached the end. I just don’t get it. I don’t understand what it is about.

  You actually go on TOUR with that stuff. WOW. People actually... sit… and... LISTEN… to that. I mean, they voluntarily go to the place, maybe even PAY… PAY to hear that stuff. And then they sit there, quietly, politely… and LISTEN. Unbelievable. I should go myself sometime and see this. Witness it with my own eyes.